Friday, October 8, 2010

Domestic violence and you . . . and me

I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for a couple weeks. First, the deets: it would be great, awesome, and cool if you could check out Swati Avasthi's auction (click the button above to get there). I donated a book and a critique, as did many other people who are cooler than me. Swati's book SPLIT is a wonderful, voice-y read, and it brings up many angles of a violent situation. Please check it out.

Second, why it matters to me to be a part of this: I've got domestic violence in my background. There were people who were hurt by others who in turn hurt me. Alcohol abuse, mental illness, and huge needs for control and dominance were part of it. It was mild, comparatively speaking, but it's given me a trick knee, which pops out and knocks me down sometimes. The great thing: now I get back up, which is a relatively recent skill. There were times I stayed on the ground forever.

One of my abusers is very sick now, and me and the trick knee are working it out. We mostly walk, though there is limping involved when I'm tired or overwhelmed. It's hard sometimes. I want to say: you didn't help me, why should I help you? But that's dumb. This person needs lots of love. And I can give it, most days, when there's no yelling involved.

I can't say what it's like for others. Forgiveness is a far reach sometimes, depending on the severity of things. But people change, and people are sorry. And abuse isn't about the person *being* abused. They're just a convenient target for all the hurt the abuser feels. When I learned this fact, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. And Swati's auction will send money to help abusers not be abusers.

Please check it out and help stop the violence before it starts. Do it for the people you know who are affected by domestic violence. And when I say "affected" I mean everything from people who are still living with it to people with trick knees.


1 comment:

  1. Hey (((Kirstin))). Here's why you help: because you have to live with being you. And because your kid is watching. And because, in spite of whatever happened in the past, you've come out strong enough to do the right thing even when cosmic evenness looks kind of satisfying.

    Trick knees can be good. They make you look where you're stepping.